One thing that the Springtime in the city inevitably brings is a swarm of new couples. As soon as the nice weather hits they all seem to come out of hiding and take up “strolling.” There needs to be lanes put on the sidewalks in the city – one for couples who enjoy walking leisurely as if they’re the only fucking people in Dundas Square, and another for the rest of us who actually have places to be.
After being stuck walking behind enough slow-walking couples, I’ve noticed that there seem to be a lot of really hot girls dating some mediocre guys. I’m sure in many cases the guy is super cool, has a cute dog, or is really rich, but there’s always that one asshole that somehow managed to score a complete rocket and all of a sudden thinks he’s a total “boss.”
This guy is like an 8-year-old child with an iPad: it’s just so wrong. Rather than being completely appreciative of the amazing gift that he has been given, he develops a disgusting and ridiculous sense of entitlement, as if having a hot girlfriend has suddenly transformed him from a chubby nobody to Ryan Reynolds.
Let’s be clear here, sweetheart: if you are one of these douchebags, please realize that your girlfriend is and always will be well out of your league. Please know that her friends and family remind her of this every time you make a complete dick of yourself and piss her off. Keep acting like an asshole and eventually she will come to the realization that she is way better than you, and she will leave you.
When this happens, she will move on to bigger and better and you will have no choice but to downgrade. You will forever be kicking yourself for fucking up the best thing you could have ever had. Smarten the fuck up.
If you’d like to remain in your relationship, start acting like the kind of guy your girlfriend deserves to be with. You don’t have to buy her expensive shit, just act like a decent human being, and for goodness sake stop popping your fucking collar.